Thursday, March 29, 2012

Time Travel, II

The thing about time travel is tricky. What if you go back and change something and you don't like the results? How would you know if it's better or worse - because the "new" reality means a "new" you; you won't know that there ever was anything else once the change is made. Unless, of course, there's some way to look forward in time to the change (like they eluded to in Back To The Future, pt.1, where Marty was able to see whether a picture of his family was whole or empty), or some time delay where you're able to retain memory of the way things used to be... but would you want to possess this knowledge? Would you want the memory of what used to be, in order to make a comparison?

You might. Just like people who divorce and get remarried probably have private thoughts like "well, at least she's not doing that" (whatever it was that drove you nuts the last time). But maybe being able to compare lends to some dissatisfaction with anyone who would become a permanent fixture in your life.

I think sometimes that I wish I could go back in time and tell myself things. Maybe not the three things I said I'd say the last time I blogged about Time Travel (but I'd probably say all those things and find a way to say more), but probably to say that really, I'm not the marrying kind. I think marriage is great for people who want to raise a family, but outside of that, there is no point. Especially if you want to have sex more than once a month (if you're lucky).

Or maybe that's the issue here - that I never got any action before marriage - thinking that marriage was the only "proper" context for sex, and also thinking that once married, I'd have all the sex I could handle. Not so. Maybe this is not the case for others; maybe mine is the weird situation, and everyone else is having sex "regularly", where "regular" means "frequent" and where "frequent" means twice to three times a week. I'm lucky if I get it once a month.

So what would I say to me in the past? Stop being a douche and ask her out. You want to bone her and she probably wants to jump you, so go ahead. And you're not incomplete if you never marry.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Time Travel

This is something I've been thinking about quite a lot lately: if you could go back in time, retaining all the knowledge you know now, and tell yourself three things (and only three) that would hopefully alter your life, what would they be?

Why only three? I don't know... maybe there's some kind of time collapse field in effect when you get to the past (the past can't handle the paradox of holding a future you and a present you in the same time thread), that makes it impossible to hold onto more than three pieces of information in the detail required to alter events. Just pick three.

I think I know what my three would be, but I also know that information, once out on the web, doesn't go away. Despite the knowledge that literally no-one reads this stuff, I can't help but think that someday someone I know will read it, and the fallout could be life-altering... almost as life-altering as going back in time and telling myself three things... oh what the heck.

1) Sex isn't that big a deal. I used to make a big deal of it, and I was told that it was a big deal. Obviously, if you're a teenager, or if you know teenagers, you want to stop them from having sex with each other as much as possible, and in any way that you can, but here I am in my mid-to-late thirties, and I'm saying to all you responsible adults out there: have sex. Have lots of it. Enjoy it. If you make babies, take care of them. Enjoy them. But have sex.

2) You have Kleinfelter's Syndrome, which means a lot (read a book about it), but the upshot is, you can't get anyone pregnant. See #1. Go to it.

3) Date lots, often, and for a long time. You don't need to be married, unless you want to raise children. Since this is impossible for you, unless you want to adopt or get a donor, take all the time you need to date, date, date, making sure the way she expresses love is the same way you do, or at least close. This opposite thing sucks.

Not great at this blogging thing

Yes, I realize it's been a few years since I "rebooted" the blog. I see from previous blog entries that I hinted at a problem with fertility, but left the subject hanging there.

So here's an update:

1) We have a child now. Her name is Abigail (meaning: source of father's joy), and she is going to be 16 months old in a couple of weeks.

2) We figured out what the problem with conceiving is - and before you say "well, duh" and point to #1... I have something called "46/47 xxy Mosaic Klienfelter's Syndrome". That's the root cause of the issues with conceiving, but it's not clear what this is without some explanation:

a) First a lesson on making babies, beyond the fun part: as the boats drop hordes of soldiers onto the beach, many don't make it out of the water. Many more die just at the shoreline. Many more are gunned down a few steps onto the beach. Of the few that penetrate the many defenses, only one makes it into the bunker. When that happens...
i) Life begins, and the cell starts dividing.
ii) More cells divide from those cells. They tell two friends, and they tell two friends... and so on.
iii) These cells make up the building blocks for every function and form in your body.

b) In my body, the first cell split in two imperfectly. There were errors. One of the two cells decided there was an error, and fixed it. The other did not. This is where the "mosaic" part of the disease comes in - half my cells are normal, half are affected with Klienfelter's Syndrome.

c) Klienfelter's Syndrome is characterized by an extra "X" chromosome (or multiple "x's") attached to the normal XY chromosome (only guys can have Klienfelter's. Sorry ladies.). This makes for all kinds of silliness, including (in my body) the inability to produce Testosterone.

d) No Testosterone means many things, not the least of which means no sperm. No sperm = no conception, no conception = no babies.

e) But... hold on... #1 says we have a baby? She is the result of a donor + my wife. No sperm also means no IVF (invitro-fertilization, where my army dude gets put directly into her bunker). There's something called "ICSI", but it's $5000.00 more per shot, and we're not made of money. Besides, all the children from that procedure would either be carriers of Klienfelter's (all the girls), or have Klienfelter's to some degree (all the boys).

3) I'm coping with this knowledge that I can't make life. Part of me wishes for the technology that would make time-travel possible, if only to go back in time and tell myself this piece of information... I'll probably make that a spin-off post sometime in the near future.

4) I'm done school. I work as a youth leader in Cobourg, ON. Sometimes I question that decision. I didn't make it through the second round of ordination testing, and honestly sometimes I question that path as well. I'm doing a lot of path questioning these days.

That's all for now. Before I forget and three more years pass, I'll end this post and post the other one.