Dreamscape

 In my last post I talked about dreams. Specifically, I wondered briefly if recurring dreams, or dreams with recurring appearances of the same person in them have any deeper meaning. That question isn't random; I've had experience with dreams that were more than just synapses firing in the dead of night.

The first dream I can remember having that I had many recurring instances of, occurred when I was 5 years old. Being that young, I had no inkling to look for a deeper meaning, I just was cognizant of the fact that I had the dream many times (I can't recall exact numbers, but it was at least 20 times), and that I found to be weird. In brief (because I can get long winded about these things), I dreamed that I was on a path in a park, and to the one side of the path were construction workers and buildings being built, and on the other, there were children playing in a park. I spent some time with the construction workers - working alongside them - then crossed over the path and spent some time playing in the park with the kids. Then I was back on the path, and a wrecking ball was coming towards me, forcing me to choose a side. I always woke up before I made a choice.

Fast forward to me at 18. I was nearly done high school, and, taking guidance from some of my Uncles, I had been pouring my attention and time into becoming a carpenter (a lot of my Uncles were in construction). I genuinely liked working with wood, building stuff, and thought it would be a great career choice. But also, from the time I was 14, I had also been volunteering with my youth group, going on mission trips to reach out to and work with kids in the inner city of Chicago. Growing inside me was a yearning to work with youth, though I neither recognized it, nor remembered the dream.

But I had begun to talk to my Dad about what would come after high school. Of course apprenticeship was an option, but so was higher education; he supported both options, but encouraged me to pursue more schooling, as that would take me further (potentially) and open up more options for me. He was a civil engineer turned farmer, and was always advocating for higher education. I expressed - I thought idly - the desire to work with kids, but also the regret that I had not diversified my education in high school to include social studies and humanities, so that I could at least be on some sort of track to become a social worker. His response? "Why not become a youth pastor?" 

Now, you have to understand that at this time, it was early 90's, and "youth pastor" was something you saw in larger churches, but was still not on the radar for most churches. To put this in perspective, by the time I graduated college, many churches were only just starting to opt in to try out hiring a youth pastor for their youth and children. It became a more popular choice in years to come, but at the time I was talking to my Dad about all this, my response was "I can get paid to work with youth? That would be my dream job!" I couldn't believe it. Yet, I think God knew that I needed a little extra push in that direction.

Circle back to the dream. Shortly after my conversation with my Dad, I had the dream again. Exactly as it happened before. Coincidence, you might say. My brain calling up information my conscious mind had forgotten but that my subconscious mind had not. Perhaps. But the parallels were too blatant to ignore. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Dream a dream and be influenced in a certain direction unconsciously? Make certain choices in life based on a psychological imprint left by an often recurring dream? Maybe. But then, why would a 5 year old dream such a thing? I had no aspirations for career choice when I was 5. 

No. I believe (as I do to this day), that it wasn't merely a dream. It was a calling - a divine appointment - and when I had the dream again at 18, it was confirmation that my deep desire to work in youth ministry wasn't a fleeting or passing interest - it was prophetic.

I've had more than just that one dream to draw on for examples. Oh, sure, many of the dreams I have are just that - synapses firing in the night - but there is a certain... I don't know how to say it other than texture... to a dream with deeper meaning, that differentiates it from mundane dreams, even if these mundane dreams are exciting, action-packed adventures in the night.

In college, I began to dream these different dreams more often. There seemed at first to be a pattern: I would dream a dream that had that different feel to it, and that would alert me to be extra aware of the next dream to come my way. This pattern eventually faded, and I would (as I stepped out in faith to act on what I felt was direction) start to just dream these dreams of significance, and felt it necessary to act upon them. It sounds like the beginning of a journey into the mind of someone with "voices in their head", but let me assure you that I have not been diagnosed with anything more than Klinefelter's Syndrome, and possibly ADHD (I'm still waiting on an appointment to get that assessed. It's... a journey. Getting assessed as an adult is not easy). 

So what do I mean by "it started with a pattern"? What could lead me to that conclusion? What makes one dream seem more than just a dream? I'll tell you.

The first dream I had in college was this:

In my dream, I had awoken from sleep, and was getting ready to go into an assembly at school (I attended Briercrest Bible College). I remember that I had left my room a little late, and so was late arriving, and thus was not able to find a seat where I usually sat. Instead, I sat down, and looking to my right and left, noted that I was sitting beside two people I knew, but didn't really hang out with. Then, in the dream, my attention was drawn to the stage. A panel of professors was sitting up on the stage, and (as was mentioned), because I had arrived late, I wasn't exactly sure what the topic was about, but it seemed to be an AMA (ask me anything) type of assembly. I noted that there were particular professors up on stage, and noted who they were, and what order they were sitting in. Right at that moment, one of them opened up the floor for questions, and a hand shot up from a student sitting about 15 rows in front of me and to my left. They asked a question (which right now I don't remember, but at the time stuck in my head), and the professor answered (again, I don't recall the answer now, but I did then), and then the dream was over.

I thought it was a strange dream. It seemed so random. But 3 days later, for some reason I can't remember now, I was running late for chapel (real world, not dream). Being the scatter-brained-possibly-ADHD student I was (and Klinefelter's Syndrome has a lot of parallels cognitively to ADHD), I didn't clue in that that day's chapel was going to be any different than the normal morning chapel meeting. I arrived (late), and walked in, and mindlessly sat down in the first available spot. 

You know that deja-vu feeling one gets when one is in a familiar circumstance they swear they've never been in before? It was all of that feeling, and more. As I took stock of what was happening in chapel, I stole a quick glance to my left and right. Same people as in my dream. I looked up to the stage. Same professors, same arrangement. Then, before it happened, I looked over to where the student who was about to ask a question was sitting, and sure enough, when the particular professor called for questions from the floor, that student stuck their hand up, and, me mouthing along with him, I recited the question asked, and the answer given. 

Well, I couldn't ignore THAT. The only thing more blatant would have been a plane skywriting "Hey, God is trying to get your attention. Yes, you." So, I prayed to seek clarification on the meaning behind this - for God to show me what this meant. And I got a pretty strong impression that the next dream I was about to have would be something I needed to act on. So, I went to sleep that night, hyper-aware of potentially getting some kind of direction in dream form from God.

The dream I had was simple: I dreamed that one of my friends was very distraught about something, and that God wanted to tell her that He was wrapping His arms around her, comforting her in this troubling time.

In the non-dream world, I had no idea if this meant anything. This friend of mine wasn't a close friend, and so I had no reason to know what would be going on in her life that would shake her up so much. To make a long story short, I sent her a care card with the words "I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but God has a message for you: He loves you, and wants you to know that He has His arms wrapped around you and will carry you through this." And I didn't sign it, and I put it in her student mailbox. In the dream, it was me that carried the message to her in person, but I was too scared to do this - what if I was wrong? I would come away looking like a maniac.

But, as it turned out, she had gotten word early that morning that her father had had a medical emergency (for some reason, my memory says he had had a stroke, but this occurred more than 20 years ago - the fact that I remember any of this at all is a testament to the impact it's had on my life), and the note was just the thing that she needed. She needed reassurance that God had His hand on the situation, and that He would take care of things.

There are many more dreams like this that I have experienced. In recent years, they haven't come quite so frequent as they did in college, but, picking up on the thread of the last post, I seem to now be having dreams that include one particular person in them, time and time again. 

So the question is, is there a deeper meaning to these recurring dreams? I don't know. Truly, I don't.

But here's what I've done, and I will continue to do every time I have one: I will stop, and pray for this person in their circumstance, and I will ask God to watch over them, even if I have no idea what, if anything, they need. It's the least I can do for the one who has given me so much.

-UM